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Ive never flown before said the nervous from Flashcomment Aviation jokes Jokes
"I've never flown before, said the nervous old lady to the pilot. "You will bring me down safely, won't you? "All I can say ma'am," said the pilot, "is that I've never left anyone up there yet!"

After an overnight flight to meet my from Flashcomment Aviation jokes Jokes
After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me -- all under age 11. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, ''Ma'am,'' he said, ''do all these children and this luggage belong to you?'' ''Yes, sir,'' my mother said with a sigh, ''they're all mine.'' The customs agent began his interrogation: ''Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?'' ''Sir,'' she calmly answered, ''if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now.''

Once as Laloo was coming out of from Flashcomment Aviation jokes Jokes
Once as Laloo was coming out of airport, there was huge rush and the security guard told him, "Wait Please." To which Laloo replied, "65 kgs," and moved on.

Stewardess Yes Sir I want to complain from Flashcomment Aviation jokes Jokes
Stewardess" "Yes, Sir?" "I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can't sleep." "Captain, shut up and land the plane."

A woman called and said I need from Flashcomment Aviation jokes Jokes
A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

A small twinprop commuter plane was hijacked from Flashcomment Aviation jokes Jokes
A small twin-prop commuter plane was hijacked by a desperate animal rights extremist who vowed to kill one of the passengers to demonstrate his serious intentions. There were two passengers present, a microbiologist and a yeast geneticist. The hijacker gave each one two minutes to explain why they shouldn't be killed. The microbiologist (who studied bacteria) talked for 1 minute 59 seconds explaining that he studies bacteria, bacteria are model organisms for the study of genetics and physiology etc. etc. and finished with an emotional, bacteria-laden plea which had the hijacker in tears. When he was done, they turned to the yeast geneticist who said, "let me explain to you why yeast genetics is an important discipline..." but he was interrupted by the microbiologist who exclaimed "Shoot me! Shoot me!"

A husband suspects his wife is having from Flashcomment Aviation jokes Jokes
A husband suspects his wife is having an affair with a pilot, but she keeps denying it--until finally the husband just knew when his wife said: "Honey, I've told you once, I've told you twice, I've told you niner thousand times, negative on the affair ..."

ATC Cessna GABCD What are your intentions from Flashcomment Aviation jokes Jokes
ATC: "Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions? " Cessna: "To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating." ATC: "I meant in the next five minutes not years."

On a flight with EasyJet back in from Flashcomment Aviation jokes Jokes
On a flight with EasyJet back in 1997 the pilot made what can only be describes as an extremely heavy landing at Luton. It was very early in the morning and a number of passenger around me looked quite alarmed as, apart from the noise, a number of overhead lockers dropped open and several items of carry-on luggage were launched down the aisle. After slowing up, the aircraft turned off the runway and turned towards the stand and over the PA came "Good morning ladies gentlemen, this is Captain Smith, welcome to Luton...and if any of you were asleep...I bet you're not now!"

Flight are you ready to copy holding from Flashcomment Aviation jokes Jokes
"Flight 1234, are you ready to copy holding instructions?" "Center, make that request on the next frequency...."

Hello flight if you hear me rock from Flashcomment Aviation jokes Jokes
"Hello flight 56, if you hear me rock your wings.." "OK TOWER, IF YOU HEAR ME ROCK THE TOWER!!"

Little boy to airline pilot Youre a from Flashcomment Aviation jokes Jokes
Little boy to airline pilot: "You're a pilot?!?!? That must be exciting." Pilot: "Not if I do it right."

A young guy in a twoengine fighter from Flashcomment Aviation jokes Jokes
A young guy in a two-engine fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance, acting like a hotdog, flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The hotdog said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better." The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot." The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. Perplexed, the hotdog asked, "So? What did you do?" "I just shut down two engines, kid."

A pilot and a copilot were descending from Flashcomment Aviation jokes Jokes
A pilot and a co-pilot were descending for a landing at an airport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out the windshield, and suddenly exclaimed to the co-pilot: "Holy cow! Look how short the runway is! I've never seen one that short!" The co-pilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! you're right! That's incredible! Are you sure we can make it?" "Well we better, we're almost out of fuel." So the captain got on the intercom, and notified the passengers to put their heads between their knees, and prepare for an emergency landing. Then he set the flaps to full down, and slowed the plane to just over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on the ragged edge of control. The pilot's hands were sweating, the co-pilot was praying. They touched down, and came screeching to a halt just before the edge of the runway, the tires smoking. "HEW! That was CLOSE!" yelled the captain. "That runway was SHORT!" "Yeah!" said the co-pilot, "and WIDE too!"

After the first takeoff of the fully from Flashcomment Aviation jokes Jokes
After the first takeoff of the fully automatic airplane, the passengers heard the soothing, reassuring voice of the pilot: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your automatic pilot. In my modern and carefully tested sytem an error is absolutely impossible, absolutely impossible, absolutely impossible, ..."

How does the captain know the aircraft from Flashcomment Aviation jokes Jokes
How does the captain know the aircraft is safely at the ramp? Both the engines and the co-pilot stop whining.

What is ideal Flight Deck complement for from Flashcomment Aviation jokes Jokes
What is ideal Flight Deck complement for a modern airliner? A Captain, a Co-pilot and a dog. The dog is there to bite the captain if he tries to touch the controls, and the co-pilot is there to feed the dog.

As a Delta Air Lines jet was from Flashcomment Aviation jokes Jokes
As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the co-pilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. "Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep." From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!"

McNally was taking his first plane ride from Flashcomment Aviation jokes Jokes
McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. "It's to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes," she explains. When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. "Miss," he said, "I'm meetin' me wife right away. How do I get the gum out of me ears?"

As a crowded airliner is about to from Flashcomment Aviation jokes Jokes
As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear. Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, General," she ask s quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?" The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose."